Confessions

I love those people who underestimate my capabilities. They make me do more.
I love those people who hate my guts. They fuel my confidence.
I love those people who have prejudices against me. They encourage me to prove them wrong.
I love those people who gave me all sorts of criticism. They make me a better person.
I love those people who see me as inferior. They pressure me to become superior.
I love those people who discourage me. They nurture my perseverance.
I love those people who live in hypocrisy. They make me strive more to live with the truth.
I love those people who condemn me. They force me to show that I'm not worth condemning.
I love those people who are eager to put me in the dark. They ignite my desire to prevail.
And finally, I love those people who hate me for simply being me.
They make me LOVE myself More.

Things change

I wish I was as insightful as the music I listen to. Because then, I'd be able to fully express my feelings towards you. I'd tell you how wonderful you made me feel, and how when I'm with you, I forget my stress. I'd tell you how I can look into your eyes and forget all the severing pains in my life. I lose my train of thought in the black-brown depths of your eyes and feel warmth, rather than the cool tones the color suggests. Sometimes, however, the bright hype that your eyes radiate begins to fade, and I see the weight of lost loves crushing down upon you. I want to ease your pains with the correct maneuvers, but cannot do so tactfully. For pushing you away would tear my soul into irreparable shapes which become lost in the moment.
Then there are the times whenever I do not know how I feel about you. I want to be your friend, not a lover. But they notice it even more so than I do. They know how bad I long for something more. They noticed it before I could even conjure up the idea. They saw how my eyes lit up as I saw you across the room. They saw what you did to me.Then there is her. I don't know a thing about her, except that she left you, and has recently returned. Maybe the lack of you pulled her to her senses, or maybe she knows that you would take her back if she said the word.Whenever you have talked to her, I'm never enough. The importance I had in your life moments before have fallen between the cracks in the sidewalk. The conversations that we used to have that would flow so freely seem forced and insecure. I don't like this side of you, the side of you consumed by her.

I've never been the jealous type.
Then again, things change.

"To live in the moment is to deny hope. To believe that human life can be ruled by reason is to destroy life itself. Oh but to dream of the future, of the fertile ideas and endless possibilities is to turn over the hourglass and start anew. It is to enocounter your forever for the first time in suspended animation. Hope is to cut your heart-strings, to let the dreams swell within it and having the courage to let it be carried away. Hope brings things to look forward to, like the fluidity of wayward outcomes, and the crystal fragility we carry them by. The joy of dreams that come true and the life lessons learnt when they don't. To obtain this is bliss is to let old aches and pains become misty blue rain drops, and let them fall and fade into the background. Letting emotional tides turn and wash away the anguish. Letting bloodstains from days gone by clean, so they can heal. Letting the past be tucked away and the gift of the present, and the hope for the future be opened. This is a time for letting go, a time for hanging on tight to new beginnings, and letting one day flow into the next. Off the short leash and living for the moment you can see the vast and various trails to travel. A new path to follow, to find a new day, a new time, a new place, a new life. Exploration of the highest order, stands before us. . . Let the long fingers of your dreams grasp onto your reality, and guide you on your way. Become valorous, point yourself at life's highway and hit the gas. Capture every chance you have to gain from something. Reach for every opportunity to strive, struggle, achieve and sometimes fall flat on your face, for this is the occasion to gain in wisdom. Be Pandora's box, and flood the world with things it has never seen, be that outlying factor of uncertainty. Fly to places unseen and map out what your future has secured. Where hope springs eternal, everlasting strength is where you'll find the real you; between a balanced well treaded world and an unexplored universe is where you'll define yourself and unleash the unlimited possibilities of your future. Capture the essence of what it is to be mortal and embrace it. "

Life taught me

I want to tell you some things I learned from life, something extremely important I think, but the life wanted to show them through
painful experiences.I will enumerate the final conclusions:

- I learned that people are more powerful than they imagine

- I learned that God loves us more than we deserve and offer chances even when we think/feel like everything is lost

- I learned to accept

- I learned to live

- I learned not to judge people by appearances

- I learned to be more forgiving of those around me

- I noticed that if you`ll help others in your heart, you`ll get back tenfold

- I learned to handle things myself without asking someone`s help like I used in the past

- I found out with stupefaction that many people are not what you think they are (and I think that this was the most painful lesson)

- I learned to hope and love

- I learned to enjoy every day like it is the last

- I learned to make peace with my past, so it won`t mess up the present

- I learned to have realizable dreams

- I learned that family is one of the most important things on Earth

- I learned to count on the fingers of one hand my friends

- I learned that the things you enjoy the most and that you really deserve are injusticed sometimes which causes an enormous void in the soul

- I learned that we should enjoy every day is offered to us

- I learned that not everyone wants me my good

- I learned that life isn`t fair but it`s still good

- I learned that life is not worth anything, but nothing is more worth as the life

I first learned that we are not sure of anything! I learned that often what seems to be does not mean that it is. I learned that people
deserve my trust - but if they do not know how to use it well is not my loss, but theirs.I learned that the passing of the years makes
you more selective, more demanding and introvert - which I do not know if it is auspicious. The passing of the years makes you
forget who you trully are ...

And then becomes difficult when you start looking at you and you are trying to recognize yourself, but you cannot find the person
you used to be. I wonder if you ever asked yourself...Do you know who you are?Or do you fooled yourself all this time? Sometimes I felt like I was on the wrong path,that I didn`t made a correct decision when I could made a wise one. Life taught me to fight and to shut my mouth at the same time. Also life taught me that the worst pain is not physical one but the
pain which is in your soul.

Otherwise .. I think I learned something from life, but maybe it's nothing besides what I may learn in the future - and this worries
me a bit, since I noticed that sad experiences are the hardest and deepest lessons. The greatest lesson in my life - was when I had the revelation that life it`s extremely complicated and it`s only my task...and it`s only my choice to find the good path, which I represent - and that`s not that easy! It`s much easier to choose ,what`s the first time on your mind,and what would it be good for you. But the most difficult challenge to you is to subject to choose between the balanced paths .

xoxo

-Heni

Cod Roşu

http://www.codrosu.ro

Nu am mai scris demult,stiu asta dar nu prea am avut timp :.Dar m-am intors si am gasit un site interesant.
Cod Rosu este un blog, are ceva aparte,pare interesant, cel puţin la prima vedere.Pe acest site am citit foarte multe articole,care au fost bine gandite (felicitari baieti si fete,sunteti buni, vreau sa va felicit prin aceasta cale :D).
Va intrebati de ce am intrat pe Cod Rosu?
Foarte simplu.Dorisem sa particip la un concurs. Era doar o curiozitate sa vad daca castig si eu ceva macar o data,dar uite am stat ore bune la calculator navigand pe acest site.Sunt foarte multe articole care mi-au captat atentia...si pur si simplu totul a fost bine gandit,titlurile fascinante ale articolelor mi-au atras privirile instantaneu...la un moment dat nu mai stiam pe ce sa dau click prima data! Eu zic ca merita sa intrati si voi si daca din lipsa de ocupatie.
Navigare placuta.

P.S.:Baietii dau tricouri gratis (buna cale de a capta atentia poporului ...stiu ceva oamenii astia! :-P)...
Asa-i ca acum si tu vei intra sa vezi daca castigi ?



-Heni

28 decembrie -Nu spun ca renunt...la ce sa renunt? nu am la ce...intelegi?doar ca nu mai visez e atat de greu...nush de ce nu pot sa te dau la o parte si sa imi continui viata...e atat de greu...nu te mai inteleg si nu ma mai inteleg nici pe mine...renunt la visele ca intr-o zi am sa te strang in brate ca am sa iti simt buzele ca vei fi al meu...esti ''peste''.simt cum aluneci usor...cand esti aici cand pleci cand te intorci cand ma chemi...pff...nu stiu ce vrei sin u mai inteleg ce vreau...adica...e timpul sa renunt la joc caci am prins drag de jucator...caci asta a fost mai mult un joc nimic serios pana cand a devenit o obsesie si eu am sfarsit iubind jucatorul.am facut o greseala enorma...''m-am indragostit de jucarie'' avea dreptate cine mi-a spus asta...si acum`nu mai stiu cum sa mai ies din situatia asta...am incercat toate solutiile...am incercat totul`nimic nu merge...nu pot.tu de ce nu ma intelegi?de ce nu simti ce simt si eu?nopti nedormite.priveam poza ta.am decazut.nici nu inteleg cum am ajuns sa ma umilesc in halul asta pentru un baiat...degeaba ma tot mint ca tii la mine ca sunt speciala pentru tine.nu e adevarat.eu is fraiera la care nu pana demult iti spuneai necazurile care te sfatuia.eram fata de seara.eram cea care se multumea cu “resturile”...nu. cand am ajuns asa? incerc sa inteleg...dar nu pot.m-am saturat sa ma gandesc numai la tine sa vorbesc numai de tine.sunt si eu un om.nu omul isi allege destinul, ci destinul pe om… si cateodata e prea tarziu cand iti dai seama care e calea pe care trebuie sa o urmezi.sper sa ma intelegi.sper ca macar tu sa iei decizii …bune de data asta.

3 decembrie...mi-am promis de atat de multe ori ca am sa renunt la tine incat ti-am creat o identitate malefica in mintea mea pe care nu ai cum sa o recunosti in oglinda. si daca ea traieste doar in ochii mei de ce oamenii la care tin mai mult te vad la fel? ei nu stiu nimic.cred ca te-ai saturat de toate procesele mele de constiinta, in final sunt sigura ca nu vei mai vrea sa ai nimic de-a face cu mine, ma chinui singur pentru ceva ce simt si ma chinui sa inteleg numai eu... doar eu... ha... nu-i nimic, tot singur si cu mine am sa raman, si amintirea ta va dispare candva, poate... pe naiba. iarasi ma mint singura, ma cert singura... ma rupi in doua, ma rup singura in parti mici ca vina ta e mai mica decat o fac sa para. ... zilele astea mi-am dat seama ca si alte fete sunt indragostite si eu... inca sunt legata de tine. n-am sa renunt la tine daca nici tu nu renunti... dar daca ma uiti am sa merg mai departe, fara tine... cumva... probabil si fara tine, tot singura.




7 decembrie...vorbesc frumos cu tine cand mi-e dor... si urat cand nu-mi raspunzi si ma simt ca o idioata de multe ori. ma simt ca un copil rasfatat caruia i-a fost furata jucaria... dar imi imaginez totusi ca tu vezi dincolo de fata asta a mea lipsita de subtilitate si superficiala. ar trebui sa intelegi pana acum ca e vorba de mai mult decat pot eu concepe, cu atat mai putin cuprinde in cuvinte. sunt sigura ca tu crezi ca exagerez cand fac afirmatii pompoase de genul asta... dar zambeai dulce odata cand iti scriam de la tastatura in toiul noptii tremurand de frig pe scaunul meu .. cand iti scriam ca noi doi suntem facuti unul pentru celalalt si ca noi doi avem multe in comun si ne intelegem foarte bine... stiu ca zambeai, pentru ca... pur si simplu te simteam... stupid, nu?si mai tarziu cand te strangeam in brate pe o banca rece in parcul ala pustiu ... noaptea la 3 ; ma gandeam ca nimic nu e corect pe lumea asta decat atunci cand sunt cu tine; si nimic nu-i mai firesc decat privirea ta zambitoare si degetele tale in palma mea... sau trupul tau langa al meu......cu toate ca ma trimiteai la locul meu cuminte "Henike..., nu e bine!". te credeam, mereu mi-am spus ca tu esti cel care trebuie sa iei decizia... mda. "decizia"! adica nu am vrut sa te las sa te multumesti... pentru ca am vrut totdeauna mai mult pentru tine decat sa fii multumit, am vrut sa fii fericit. am vrut sa te fac fericit... te-am vrut sa fii al meu si nu pot sa te las sa renunti la noi. am vrut de multe ori sa te provoc, sa ne certam, sa nu mai vorbim... atunci cand am crezut ca iti fac mai mult rau decat bine. au fost multe momente in care mi s-a parut ca ti-ar fi mai bine daca nu ne-am fi cunoscut niciodata, dar nu m-a lasat cineva dinauntru sa duc ideile astea la capat... o parte din mine stie mai mult decat ratiunea mea defecta...



26 decembrie...ma gandesc uneori ca nu ti-e greu, ti-e imposibil sa renunti la ideea ca poate nu voi mai fi langa tine si poate nu voi mai fi atunci cand in noptile reci ti-ar placea ca cineva sa paseasca cu tine spre casa... ne leaga atat de multe lucruri,dar simt ca te leaga alte lucruri cu personae nesemnificative care poate tu..acum nu-ti dai seama…nu mai sunt langa tine ; dar acele personae iti pot ruina mai tarziu viata…dar totusi ai mai multe lucruri in comun decat cu mine... sper doar ca nu mai frumoase sau nu la fel de calde si colorate precum le-am simtit eu. ma gandesc ca nu am cum sa te conving ca sunt mai buna decat acele personae.ma doare cand realizez ca ne vedem atat de rar... si vorbim tot mai rar inca. si nu cred ca trebuia sa te conving, conteaza mai mult ce simti tu si nu trebuie sa fie neaparat logic. "dovedeste-mi ca esti mai buna decat ei!"... nu vreau asta... am vrut nu sa te cuceresc, am vrut sa ma cunosti cum sunt eu... nu am vrut niciodata sa te rup abuziv de acele “personae importante”, am vrut sa-ti gasesti singur drumul spre mine... candva, poate.si cand ti-am spus sa-i parasesti ma gandeam cel mai putin la noi doi, si mai putin la mine... dragostea care o cunosc pentru tine se vede mai ales cand spun cuvinte care ma dor, dar care stiu ca trebuie sa le auzi. se vede si in fiecare privire fugara, ar trebui sa o simti cu fiecare atingere cand treci pe langa mine doar ca sa fiu atenta…ca sa te observ.eu stiu ca traiesiti, sin u am nevoie sa te faci remarcat daca treci pe langa, deoarece pentru mine existi prea “mult”… pentru ca te iubesc mult, si sunt prea putine lucruri, intamplari sau personaje in universul asta care pot schimba asta... indiferent de ce spun eu uneori.