Things change

I wish I was as insightful as the music I listen to. Because then, I'd be able to fully express my feelings towards you. I'd tell you how wonderful you made me feel, and how when I'm with you, I forget my stress. I'd tell you how I can look into your eyes and forget all the severing pains in my life. I lose my train of thought in the black-brown depths of your eyes and feel warmth, rather than the cool tones the color suggests. Sometimes, however, the bright hype that your eyes radiate begins to fade, and I see the weight of lost loves crushing down upon you. I want to ease your pains with the correct maneuvers, but cannot do so tactfully. For pushing you away would tear my soul into irreparable shapes which become lost in the moment.
Then there are the times whenever I do not know how I feel about you. I want to be your friend, not a lover. But they notice it even more so than I do. They know how bad I long for something more. They noticed it before I could even conjure up the idea. They saw how my eyes lit up as I saw you across the room. They saw what you did to me.Then there is her. I don't know a thing about her, except that she left you, and has recently returned. Maybe the lack of you pulled her to her senses, or maybe she knows that you would take her back if she said the word.Whenever you have talked to her, I'm never enough. The importance I had in your life moments before have fallen between the cracks in the sidewalk. The conversations that we used to have that would flow so freely seem forced and insecure. I don't like this side of you, the side of you consumed by her.

I've never been the jealous type.
Then again, things change.

Nu stiu nici acum

Pamantul e acoperit de cioburi...
De ce?

S-au rupt portile cerului,au cazut ingeri si s-au spart in mii de bucati.

De ce?

Pentru ca distanta de la cer la pamant e prea mare chiar si pentru ingeri...

De ce?

Pentru ca nimic nu e destul de aproape.

De ce?

Ca sa speri mereu... Ca sa nu fii multumit niciodata.

De ce?

Pentru ca realitatea nu e niciodata la fel de frumoasa ca visele pe care ti le-ai facut...

De ce?

Pentru ca lumea nu e "imperfecta" asa cum multi poate isi inchipuiesc, ci rea pur si simplu...

De ce?

N-ai intelege!

De ce?

Pentru ca cei buni nu inteleg raul...lumea a devenit rea din cauza celor rai.A fost de ajuns o singura samanta de rautate ca ea sa se intinda pe tot pamantul...

De ce?

Pentru ca rautatea e ca o "buruiana",creste peste tot,fara sa aiba nevoie de ajutor si nu moare niciodata.

De ce?

Pentru ca numai in povesti binele invinge raul...

De ce?

Pentru ca imaginatia e singurul loc in in care oamenii buni inving raul...oamenii buni nu inceteaza niciodata sa viseze.

De ce?

Pentru ca altfel ar muri...

De ce?

Costiinta victoriei finale a raului ucide.

De ce?De ce?Da...DE CE?Nu stiu,nu stiu nimic...ma invart printre ganduri, amestec caut cu disperare ceva.Dar nu stiu ce gasesc ...sau pur si simplu mi-e teama de ce voi gasi si mai bine nu ma scufund in ganduri,gasesc totul,dar - e nimic.Ma nasc si mor in fiecare clipa.Vreau totul.Dar nu stiu exact ce.Nici macar nu mai inteleg de ce vreau.
Stau pe loc dar simt ca alunec in gol.O parte din sufletul meu trebuie sa se nasca....
O parte...o particica destul de mica insa totusi semnificativa a murit deja.Sunt satula de tot.E prea mult si de multe ori simt ca nu mai fac fata,dar dupa un timp simt ca nimic nu-mi ajunge,nu-mi ajung eu mie.
La un moment dat unui "de ce?" i se raspunde "nu stiu"
Tu cum esti?
Eu?
Da.Te afli printre oamenii buni sau rai?
Eu....eu incerc sa ajung printre cei rai....
De ce?

Ca sa nu mai doara...

Ce?

Nimic.Totul.